The Life Of Lincoln West

Ugliest little boy that everyone ever saw. That is what everyone said. Even to his mother it was apparent— when the blue-aproned nurse came into the northeast end of the maternity ward bearing his squeals and plump bottom looped up in a scant receiving blanket, bending, to pass the bundle carefully into the waiting mother-hands—that this was no cute little ugliness, no sly baby waywardness that was going to inch away as would baby fat, baby curl, and baby spot-rash. The pendulous lip, the branching ears, the eyes so wide and wild, the vague unvibrant brown of the skin, and, most disturbing, the great head. These components of That Look bespoke the sure fibre. The deep grain. His father could not bear the sight of him. His mother high-piled her pretty dyed hair and put him among her hairpins and sweethearts, dance slippers, torn paper roses. He was not less than these, he was not more. As the little Lincoln grew, uglily upward and out, he began to understand that something was wrong. His little ways of trying to please his father, the bringing of matches, the jumping aside at warning sound of oh-so-large and rushing stride, the smile that gave and gave and gave—Unsuccessful! Even Christmases and Easters were spoiled. He would be sitting at the family feasting table, really delighting in the displays of mashed potatoes and the rich golden fat-crust of the ham or the festive fowl, when he would look up and find somebody feeling indignant about him. What a pity what a pity. No love for one so loving. The little Lincoln loved Everybody. Ants. The changing caterpillar. His much-missing mother. His kindergarten teacher. His kindergarten teacher—whose concern for him was composed of one part sympathy and two parts repulsion. The others ran up with their little drawings. He ran up with his. She tried to be as pleasant with him as with others, but it was difficult. For she was all pretty! all daintiness, all tiny vanilla, with blue eyes and fluffy sun-hair. One afternoon she saw him in the hall looking bleak against the wall. It was strange because the bell had long since rung and no other child was in sight. Pity flooded her. She buttoned her gloves and suggested cheerfully that she walk him home. She started out bravely, holding him by the hand. But she had not walked far before she regretted it. The little monkey. Must everyone look? And clutching her hand like that. . . . Literally pinching it. . . . At seven, the little Lincoln loved the brother and sister who moved next door. Handsome. Well– dressed. Charitable, often, to him. They enjoyed him because he was resourceful, made up games, told stories. But when their More Acceptable friends came they turned their handsome backs on him. He hated himself for his feeling of well-being when with them despite— Everything. He spent much time looking at himself in mirrors. What could be done? But there was no shrinking his head. There was no binding his ears. “Don’t touch me!” cried the little fairy-like being in the playground. Her name was Nerissa. The many children were playing tag, but when he caught her, she recoiled, jerked free and ran. It was like all the rainbow that ever was, going off forever, all, all the sparklings in the sunset west. One day, while he was yet seven, a thing happened. In the down-town movies with his mother a white man in the seat beside him whispered loudly to a companion, and pointed at the little Linc. “THERE! That’s the kind I’ve been wanting to show you! One of the best examples of the specie. Not like those diluted Negroes you see so much of on the streets these days, but the real thing. Black, ugly, and odd. You can see the savagery. The blunt blankness. That is the real thing.” His mother—her hair had never looked so red around the dark brown velvet of her face—jumped up, shrieked “Go to—” She did not finish. She yanked to his feet the little Lincoln, who was sitting there staring in fascination at his assessor. At the author of his new idea. All the way home he was happy. Of course, he had not liked the word “ugly.” But, after all, should he not be used to that by now? What had struck him, among words and meanings he could little understand, was the phrase “the real thing.” He didn’t know quite why, but he liked that. He liked that very much. When he was hurt, too much stared at— too much left alone—he thought about that. He told himself “After all, I’m the real thing.” It comforted him.