Allen Ginsberg

Understand That This Is A Dream

Real as a dream What shall I do with this great opportunity to fly? What is the interpretation of this planet, this moon? If I can dream that I dream / and dream anything dreamable / can I dream I am awake / and why do that? When I dream in a dream that I wake / up what happens when I try to move? I dream that I move and the effort moves and moves till I move / and my arm hurts Then I wake up / dismayed / I was dreaming / I was waking when I was dream still / just now. and try to remember next time in dreams that I am in dreaming. And dream anything I want when I’m awaken. When I’m in awakeness what do I desire? I desire to fulfill my emotional belly. My whole body my heart in my fingertips thrill with some old fulfillments. Arcane parchments my own and the universe the answer. Belly to Belly and knee to knee. The hot spurt of my body to three to thee old boy / dreamy Earl / you Prince of Paterson / now king of me / lost Haledon first dream that made me take down my pants urgently to show the cars / auto trucks / rolling down avenue hill. That far back what do I remember / but the face of the leader of the gang was blond / that loved me / one day on the steps of his house blocks away all afternoon I told him about my magic Spell I can do anything I want / palaces millions / chemistry sets / chicken coops / white horses stables and torture basements / I inspect my naked victims chained upside down / my fingertips thrill approval on their thighs white hairless cheeks I may kiss all I want at my mercy. on the racks. I pass with my strong attendants / I am myself naked bending down with my buttocks out for their smacks of reproval / o the heat of desire like shit in my asshole. The strange gang across the street / thru the grocerystory / in the wood alley / out in the open on the corner / Because I lied to the Dentist about the chickencoop roofing / slate stolen off his garage by me and the boy I loved who would punish me if he knew what I loved him. That now I have had that boy back in another blond form Peter Orlovsky a Chinese teen-ager in Bangkok ten years twenty years Joe Army on the campus / white blond loins / my mouth hath kisses / full of his cock / my ass burning / full of his cock all that I do desire. In dream and awake this handsome body mine / answered all I desired / intimate loves / opened eyes / revealed at last / clothes on the floor Underwear the most revealing stripped off below the belly button in bed. That that / yes yes / the flat cocks the red pricks the gentle pubic hair / alone with me my magic spell. My power / what I desire alone / what after thirty years / I got forever / after thirty years / satisfied enough with Peter / with all I wanted / with many men I knew one generation / our sperm passing into our mouths and bellies / beautiful when love / given. Now the dream oldens / I olden / my hair a year long / my thirtyeight birthday approaching. I dream I am bald / am disappearing / the campus unrecognizable / Haledon Avenue will be covered with neon / motels / Supermarkets / iron the porches and woods changed when I go back / to see Earl again He’ll be a bald / flesh father / I could pursue him further in the garage If there’s still a garage on the hill / on the planet / when I get back. From Asia. If I could even remember his name or his face / or find him / When I was ten / perhaps he exists in some form. With a belly and a belt and an auto What ever his last name / I never knew / in the phonebook / the Akashic records. I’ll write my Inspiration for all Mankind to remember, My Idea, the secret cave / in the clothes closet / that house probably down / Nothing to go back to / everything’s gone / only my idea that’s disappearing / even in dreams / grey dust piles / instant annihilation of World War Inferior Man and all its stainless steel shining-mouthed cannons much less me and my grammar school kisses / I never kissed in time / and go on kissing in dream and out on the street / as if it were for ever. No never left! Even my oldest forever gone, in Bangkok, in Benares, swept up with words and bodies / all into the brown Ganges / passing the burning grounds and / into the police state. My mind, my mind / you had six feet of Earth to hoe / Why didn’t you remember and plant the seed of Law and gather the sprouts of What? the golden blossoms of what idea? If I dream that I dream / what dream should I dream next? Motorcycle rickshaws / parting lamp shine / little taxis / horses hoofs on this Saigon midnight street. Ankor Wat ahead and the ruined citys old Hindu faces and there was a dream about Eternity. What should I dream when I wake? What’s left to dream, more Chinese meat? More magic Spells? More youths to love before I change disappear? More dream words? This can’t go on forever. Now that I know it all / goes whither? For now that I know I am dreaming / What next for you Allen? Run own to the Presidents Palace full of Morphine / the cocks crowing in the street. / Dawn trucks / What is the question? Do I need sleep, now that there’s light in the window? I’ll go to sleep. Signing off until / the next idea / the moving van arrives empty at the Doctors house full of Chinese furniture.

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