Poem Analysis - Letter To A Friend About Girls

The Two Worlds of Women

Philip Larkin's "Letter To A Friend About Girls" is a contemplative and slightly envious exploration of contrasting experiences with women. The poem, written in the form of a letter, displays a tone that shifts between resignation, a touch of bitterness, and a grudging acceptance of different realities. The speaker initially expresses frustration and confusion, then moves toward a clearer understanding, albeit one tinged with a sense of personal lack. Ultimately, the poem serves as a commentary on differing expectations and experiences in relationships.

The Elusive Nature of Female Desire

One of the primary themes is the elusive nature of female desire and the speaker's struggle to comprehend it. He contrasts his friend's seemingly effortless success with women who are openly receptive to advances with his own experiences of encountering women who are either uninterested, overly moralistic, or simply unavailable. The poem reveals that the speaker grapples with the idea that the friend can easily 'bag real birds' whilst he is constantly faced with women who do not give in or show interest.

Separate Leagues, Separate Expectations

Another central theme is the idea of separate social 'leagues', where different sets of rules and expectations apply. The poem contrasts the speaker's 'boring barren games' with the friend's 'staggering skirmishes,' emphasizing the vastly different outcomes and interactions each experiences. The speaker grapples with the difficulty of trying to meet someone under what he feels are unequal and unfair circumstances.

Disgust and Desire

A recurring image in the poem is the depiction of women’s varying reactions to advances. The speaker describes the 'rigid with disgust' response he often encounters, juxtaposed with the friend's experience of women who 'beckon from that world where to want is straightway to be wanted'. This stark contrast underscores the speaker's frustration and highlights the fundamental difference between his and his friend's experiences. The image of "Fetching your hat, so that you have to lie" also serves as a vivid representation of the manipulative games the speaker must play when facing overly reluctant women.

Acceptance tinged with Envy

In conclusion, "Letter To A Friend About Girls" is a complex meditation on the vagaries of attraction and the disparity of romantic experiences. Larkin uses the framework of a letter to explore themes of social stratification and unattainable desires, presented in a realistic tone that is laced with wry humor and self-deprecating observation. The poem leaves the reader pondering whether the speaker truly accepts the differences he observes or if a lingering sense of envy continues to color his perspective.