The Worlds Greatest Smoke Off

In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake, You probably knew her well She was stoned 15 of her 18 years And her story was widely told, That she could smoke 'em faster Than any dude could roll Well her legend finally reached New York That grove street walk up flat Where dwelt the Calistoge Kid, a beatnik from the past He'd been rolling dope since time began And he took a cultured toke and said 'Jim, I can rollem faster than any chick can smoke' So a note gets sent to San Raphael For the Championship of the World The Kid demands a smoke off 'Well bring him on' sayz Pearl 'I'll grind his fingers off his hands, he'll roll until he drops' Sayz Calistoge 'I'll smoke that chick 'til she blows up and pops' So they rent out Yankee Stadium And the word is quickly spread Come one come all, who walk or crawl Tickets just two lids a hit And from every town in Hamlet Over land and sea they speed The Worlds greatest dopers With the Worlds greatest weed Hashishes from Morocco Hemp smokers from Peru And the Shashnicks from Bagoon, who smoke the deadly Pugaroo And those who call it 'Light of Life' And those that call it 'Boo' See the dealers and their ladies Wearing turquoise,lace, and leather See the narcos and the closet smokers Puffing all together From the teenies who smoke legal To the ones who've done some time To the old man who smoked reefer, back before it was a crime And the 'Grand Old House That Ruth Built' Is filled with the smokes and cries Of 50,000 screamin' heads, all stoned out of their minds And they play the National Anthem And the crowd lets out a roar As the spotlight hits the Kid and Pearl Ready for their smokin' warrrr... At a table piled up high with grass, high as a mountain peak Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers Not one stem, branch or seed I mean a Maui, a Wowie, a Panama Red, Alcopoco Gold