Sic a wife as Willie's Wife
written in 1792
Willie Wastle dwalls on Tweed, The spot they ca' it Linkumdoddie; A creeshie wabster till his trade, Can steal a clue wi' ony body: He has a wife that's dour and din, Tinkler Madgie was her mither; Sic a wife as Willie's wife, I wadna gie a button for her. She has an e'e, she has but ane, Our cat has twa, the very colour; Five rusty teeth, forbye a stump, A clapper-tongue wad deave a miller: A whiskin beard about her mou, Her nose and chin they threaten ither; Sic a wife as Willie's wife, I wad na gie a button for her. She's bow-hough'd, she's hem-shin'd, Ae limpin leg a hand-bread shorter; She's twisted right, she's twisted left, To balance fair in ilka quarter: She has a hump upon her breast, The twin o' that upon her shouther; Sic a wife as Willie's wife, I wad na gie a button for her. Auld baudrans by the ingle sits, An wi' her loof her face a washin; But Willie's wife is nae sae trig, She dights her grunzie wi' a hushian: Her waly nieves like midden-creels, Her feet wad fyle the Logan-water; Sic a wife as Willie's wife, I wad na gie a button for her.