Poem Analysis - Fitter To See Him I May Be

A Soul Preparing for Divine Encounter

Emily Dickinson's "Fitter To See Him, I May Be" is a complex exploration of anticipation, self-improvement, and the anxieties of divine judgment. The poem unfolds as a meditation on the speaker's preparation for a meeting with a higher power, presumably God. It's characterized by a tone of hopeful longing tinged with insecurity and a subtle undercurrent of fear. The mood shifts from patient anticipation to worried self-assessment, then finally to a form of acceptance, demonstrating the speaker’s complex feelings.

The Long Wait and the Desire for Worthiness

One of the primary themes in this poem is the pursuit of spiritual worthiness. The opening lines establish the speaker's desire to become "Fitter to see Him," highlighting a belief that she is currently inadequate. The speaker anticipates that time, marked by "Summers, and with Winters," will gradually bestow upon her the traits necessary to be deemed "fairest of the Earth." This notion of gradual improvement suggests a process of spiritual refinement and a belief that her worthiness is not inherent but earned through patience and experience. The "Waiting then will seem so worth" because of this refinement.

The Anxiety of Divine Judgment

The poem also explores the theme of anxiety surrounding divine judgment. The speaker worries about being "chosen then," fearing she might be blamed for some past inadequacy. This anxiety manifests in the concern that "He left behind One Day So less / He seek Conviction, That be This," suggesting a fear of being judged based on past actions or perceived flaws. The speaker's desire to be worthy is not solely motivated by love, but also by a fear of disappointing this higher power. The tone in these lines shifts to a more fretful and self-conscious mode.

Preserving Identity Amidst Transformation

A third theme is the preservation of self amidst transformation. The speaker grapples with the desire to improve and become "fairest," yet simultaneously fears becoming unrecognizable to the one she seeks to please. She insists, "I only must not grow so new / That He’ll mistake and ask for me," revealing a concern that the pursuit of perfection might lead to a loss of her essential self. This tension speaks to a deeper fear of losing individuality in the face of divine expectations. The poem seems to question whether true acceptance requires complete transformation or a preservation of the unique self.

Symbols of Transformation and Recognition

The image of "The Door" is a recurring symbol, representing the threshold between the earthly and the divine, or the present self and the hoped-for, perfected self. The speaker's anxiety about being mistaken at "the Door" emphasizes the importance of remaining recognizable. Furthermore, the "Summers, and with Winters" mentioned earlier can be interpreted as symbols of time and transformative experiences. The speaker believes that through these experiences, a "trait bestow" will be acquired to make her better. The imagery of the face as something "turning o’er and o’er" suggests a constant self-examination and a desire to present the most acceptable version of herself.

Acceptance Through Loss: The Beauty of Rest

Ultimately, "Fitter To See Him, I May Be" reveals a complex relationship between faith, self-improvement, and the fear of judgment. The speaker acknowledges that her "Beauty" might reward someone else ("An Excellenter Youth"), and surprisingly, this thought brings her peace. She finds solace in the idea that even in loss, she can "gain thro’ loss Through Grief obtain / The Beauty that reward Him best / The Beauty of Demand at Rest." This ending suggests a profound acceptance of her fate and a belief that true beauty lies in surrendering to a higher purpose, even if that means not being the chosen one. The beauty found in "Demand at Rest" is the poem’s final, perhaps most profound, insight.