Poem Analysis - I Felt My Life With Both My Hands

A Quest for Self-Assurance

Emily Dickinson's "I Felt My Life With Both My Hands" is a poignant exploration of self-doubt and the struggle to find conviction in one's own existence. The poem begins with a tangible search for evidence of life and gradually shifts into an internal dialogue grappling with identity and the possibility of embracing the unknown. The tone is initially hesitant and questioning, evolving into a cautious optimism by the poem's conclusion. The speaker is seeking validation, first externally, and then internally.

The Search for Tangible Proof

The poem immediately introduces the theme of existential questioning. The opening lines, "I felt my life with both my hands/To see if it was there," establish a desperate need for physical confirmation of existence. This tactile approach suggests a deep-seated uncertainty, as if the speaker cannot simply accept the reality of being. The image of holding one's "spirit to the Glass" further emphasizes this desire for tangible proof. The glass acts as a mirror, a way to visually confirm the presence of something intangible. Dickinson uses concrete actions and sensory details to convey the abstract anxiety of questioning one's own reality.

Identity and Self-Perception

Another core theme is the exploration of identity and how we perceive ourselves. The lines, "I turned my Being round and round/And paused at every pound/To ask the Owner’s name," suggest a meticulous examination of the speaker's very essence. The word "Owner" is particularly intriguing, implying a sense of being owned or controlled, and the need to identify who or what holds that control. Later, the speaker judges her own "features," "hair," and "dimples," pushing these aspects of her physical self to see if they spark a reaction or confirm her existence. This self-judgment highlights the pressure the speaker feels to conform to some external standard, hinting at a struggle with self-acceptance. The "dimples" acting as a signal for "conviction" of the self adds a layer of complexity of external vs internal perception.

Embracing the Unknown

The poem concludes with a tentative embrace of the unknown, or perhaps a re-evaluation of the familiar. The line, "I told myself, Take Courage, Friend," signals a shift towards self-compassion and resilience. Addressing oneself as "Friend" creates a sense of companionship in this existential journey. The final couplet, "But we might learn to like the Heaven,/As well as our Old Home!" offers a glimmer of hope. "Heaven" can be interpreted as the afterlife, the unknown, or simply a new state of being. The comparison to "our Old Home" suggests that while the familiar is comfortable, the unknown may hold its own appeal. The poem closes with the possibility of adapting and finding comfort even in the face of uncertainty.

A Journey of Self-Discovery

In conclusion, "I Felt My Life With Both My Hands" is a deeply personal exploration of self-doubt, identity, and the courage to embrace the unknown. Through vivid imagery and a gradual shift in tone, Dickinson captures the universal struggle to find meaning and conviction in one's own existence. The poem's significance lies in its honest portrayal of the human condition, reminding us that the journey of self-discovery is often fraught with uncertainty but ultimately holds the potential for growth and acceptance. The poem offers a powerful message about the importance of self-compassion and the possibility of finding comfort even in the face of the unknown.