Poem Analysis - Of Course I Prayed

A Cry of Disillusionment

Emily Dickinson's "Of Course I Prayed" is a poignant expression of spiritual disillusionment and a desperate plea for relief from suffering. The poem begins with a seemingly simple statement of prayer but quickly spirals into a questioning of God's compassion and the value of existence itself. The tone shifts from hopeful supplication to bitter resignation and even defiance. The overarching mood is one of profound despair, tinged with a desire for annihilation as preferable to prolonged agony.

Divine Indifference: The Central Conflict

The central theme of the poem is the perceived indifference of God to human suffering. Dickinson explores this theme through the contrast between the speaker's earnest prayer and the perceived lack of divine response. The poem's opening line, "Of Course I prayed," establishes the speaker's initial faith. However, this faith is immediately challenged by the question, "And did God Care?" The answer is a resounding "no," emphasized by the image of a bird's insignificant plea: "He cared as much as on the Air / A Bird had stamped her foot / And cried Give Me / My Reason Life." This powerful imagery suggests that the speaker's prayers are as inconsequential to God as a bird's footfall is to the vastness of the air. The metaphor suggests that the speaker's request for a "Reason Life" is both understandable and ultimately ignored.

The Lure of Oblivion

A second prominent theme is the allure of oblivion as an escape from "smart Misery." The poem proposes that non-existence, even in the "Atom’s Tomb," would be preferable to the pain of living without divine comfort or purpose. The speaker imagines being "Merry, and Nought, and gay, and numb," suggesting a state of blissful unconsciousness. The juxtaposition of "Merry" and "numb" highlights the paradoxical appeal of oblivion – a state where one is free from both joy and sorrow, and therefore immune to suffering. The capitalization of "Nought" emphasizes its significance as a desirable state of being.

Symbolism of the Bird and the Atom

The poem employs potent symbolism to convey its message of despair. The bird acts as a symbol of the individual soul, small and vulnerable, pleading for meaning in a vast and uncaring universe. The bird's cry for "Reason Life" echoes the speaker's own desperate plea. The atom, in contrast, represents the ultimate reduction of existence – a state of utter insignificance and non-being. The "Atom's Tomb" is not necessarily a place of death but rather a state of pre-existence, a return to the fundamental building blocks of matter before life and consciousness emerged. In this context, it becomes a strangely appealing alternative to the speaker's current torment. Is this a longing for simple annihilation, or a desire to return to a state of potentiality before the pain of existence?

Final Thoughts: A Profound Expression of Existential Anguish

"Of Course I Prayed" is a powerful and deeply personal expression of existential anguish and spiritual crisis. Through vivid imagery and unflinching honesty, Dickinson portrays a speaker grappling with the perceived indifference of God and the agonizing reality of suffering. The poem's stark simplicity and its exploration of profound themes such as divine abandonment and the allure of oblivion make it a timeless reflection on the human condition. It stands as a testament to the power of poetry to articulate the most profound and unsettling questions about life, death, and the nature of belief.